How I Fell Head Over Heels In Love
I tell you I have had some lousy dates, some semi decent boyfriends, even some sexy but pretty pointless encounters. When it came to apps I swiped the screen of my phone all night long, to a point of getting carpal tunnel syndrome. I cried over those boys, I cried enough of times.
I always felt being in love was like jumping out of an airplane on a tandem but without the fun part at the end when you say: Ah, I can do that again.
I fell on my @ss as many times as a toddler when has started to walk. And yet, I kept making the same mistakes over and over again. I was always protecting myself, turning the blind eye when the red flags were waving on my face (slapping me across the face rather) and not being clear about what I truly wanted.
It was a long recovery battle.
Since I started my journey of living with my whole heart, I have been practising being brave at work, with my family, with my friends and even with my fellow commuters. I left the matters of romance on mute. So I agreed with Michelle, my coach, I was going to let romance back into my life. There is no coincidence that when I was listening to an interview lead by Dr. Brene Brown with author Elizabeth Gilbert they "helped" me create this coaching technique to open up to love.
When Mrs Gilbert was asked: vulnerability is...? She said: “terrifying [...] what is the place that you get cornered into where you shut down, melt down, blow up, break down and what happens to you when you are in that spot [...] I will cast my mind back to my 24 year old self, and ask: What would she have done? And I will do exactly the opposite”.
I cast this spell about 10 times a day, and I was not all that comfortable to begin with! I could hear my coach smiling on the other side of the phone when I told her. My 24-year old self is a bit hard to control to be honest. She makes problems where there are none, she runs away, she gets annoyed quickly, she keeps tallies, she is too quick to judge and she is too hard on herself!
I take her out on a bike rides; I dress her nicely and thank her for being a "tough". And when she starts telling me to get my bags and leave I say: “babe, you had your time, I’m in charge now”. I stay and smile. It feels strange at times, but I love this girl so much, I just couldn’t let her ruin our life.
So I give and remind myself not to expect anything in return, I keep quiet and let others do the talking so I can listen properly. I place my hands on my heart when I feel stress burning in my ears. I say out loud: this hurts. I ask for guidance. I dance in front of the mirror because, in fact, no one is watching. I let that love set.
This is a kind of love I didn’t know it existed. It’s simple in principle and light in weight. It’s authentic and easy going. I’m so profoundly touched by it. And if I can love myself like this, I can’t imagine how it would be when the time comes to share it in romance.
Love sounds like: “it has always been you”
Feels like: a hot water bottle
Smells like: talc
Looks like: sunday breakfast
Tastes like: sea water on my lover’s lips
Soundtrack: Just like heaven – The Cure and Shook me all night long -ACDC 😍